Since my last post, my life has changed completely several times. My husband (DH) was diagnosed officially with Lewy Body Dementia (LBD) following an acute episode of disorientation and hallucinations. We closed his business and our house, moved, and embarked on a year long indepth study and experience of dementia in general and Lewy Body dementia in particular. DH got better for about six months on medication, then about November last year worsened as the positive effect of the medication plateaued and then dropped. Prior to the diagnosis I had been a caregiver for various family members in differing capacities for about ten years. With this diagnosis, I became a full-time caregiver. After this past November full-time became even more full-time, however that is possible.
February 5, 2013, DH succumbed to the flu. He passed away much more peacefully than he likely would have had he continued to deal with LBD. I am both relieved for him, for myself, and for his family, and saddened by the loss of my companion for the past 25+ years.
There has never been a time since I started this blog that I have doubted that I should continue writing it. I have struggled with the what and how of it, but never doubted that I should stick with it. Many things have interfered and intervened. The past couple of months I revisited the question of whether I should pick it up yet again, and still it seems to be something I should do. So even though I am not sure why, I will start again.
This is not the first time in my life I have been on my own, although it has been over 25 years since the last time. It is the first time I have been a widow. It is the first time ever I have had doubt that I can support myself. It is also the first time ever that I feel tested by fire. I feel both strong and terrified. I have felt numb for the past two months, but not in a bad way. It's more that I have been considering what I want my thoughts to be, how I want to be as a thinker, as I go forward into this new life.
I don't know exactly how this blog will settle out in form or content, but for now I have decided I want to look at this next stage of my life as an adventure. Let's just see what happens!
February 5, 2013, DH succumbed to the flu. He passed away much more peacefully than he likely would have had he continued to deal with LBD. I am both relieved for him, for myself, and for his family, and saddened by the loss of my companion for the past 25+ years.
There has never been a time since I started this blog that I have doubted that I should continue writing it. I have struggled with the what and how of it, but never doubted that I should stick with it. Many things have interfered and intervened. The past couple of months I revisited the question of whether I should pick it up yet again, and still it seems to be something I should do. So even though I am not sure why, I will start again.
This is not the first time in my life I have been on my own, although it has been over 25 years since the last time. It is the first time I have been a widow. It is the first time ever I have had doubt that I can support myself. It is also the first time ever that I feel tested by fire. I feel both strong and terrified. I have felt numb for the past two months, but not in a bad way. It's more that I have been considering what I want my thoughts to be, how I want to be as a thinker, as I go forward into this new life.
I don't know exactly how this blog will settle out in form or content, but for now I have decided I want to look at this next stage of my life as an adventure. Let's just see what happens!
